Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. — Ephesians 3:20-21

We spent spring break in Guatemala and had an amazing week working with a team from Oak Grove Baptist in Maryland.  The team put in 8 stoves, provided much needed shoes for some people in San Mateo, shared the Gospel and love of Jesus, fed around 100 kids  and built some relationships.  I am always so humbled to be in the villages where people with so little find a way to make things work and never complain about what they don’t have.  I see kids with bleeding sores from no shoes or shoes that don’t fit and rub their heels raw yet they smile as they play soccer.  There are not video games, toys are scarce, clothes are often tattered, no running water, limited electricity and poverty but they still smile and want to play and just have someone love on them and give them some attention.  It’s easy to love them.

We can’t wait to get back as soon as school ends.  We know it will be pretty much non stop with teams coming in continually all summer but look forward to the chaos and excitement of what we get to watch God do.  We are going to need God’s provision to do it.  As I sent out a plea for help before spring break for help, I also have to send one out now for the summer.  This verse in Ephesians is what I hold onto for God’s provision.  We are counting on Him to provide as we know that it is His plan for us to be back for the summer.  We have an awesome group of individuals and our church Northstar that have committed to financially support us on a regular basis but we have been short on our goal for our budget and had been covering some expenses out of pocket and we can no longer do that.  I know that God doesn’t want us in credit debt and we want to be good stewards in regards to money issues.

God is using this transitional time in our lives as a time of “pruning” for me.  I know that I have faith issues when it comes to finances.  I’ve always worked and never depended on anyone other than Jim to support ourselves.  God has been gracious and for several years while we weren’t rich by most people’s standards we were comfortable in that if the kids needed something we could usually afford to get it or help someone else that might need it every now and then.  Now we are dependent of God to provide and since we are out of the country part of the year getting full time employment has not been an option.  I have been blessed to get hired at Target for the holiday season and for some reason they seem to like me and asked me to stay on and have been amazing in working with me being out of the country so I will be able to return there when we come back in country part-time and I may be working another part-time job as well when we return, I’m trusting God with that as well.  He has been completely faithful and provided right on time. Of course,  if it were up to me I’d like to be able to take care of everything at once but I see the wisdom in God’s plan as well.  It is humbling to have to ask for monetary help and reminds me where our provision comes from and to be accountable for every cent.  God always does this in amazing ways that I know can come only from Him.  He uses His children to bless each other so that we can point to Him and give Him the credit.

I believe that God  is leading me into an area outside of my comfort zone in ministering particularly to the women in the villages where we will be working this summer.  I am not gifted in this area but I am willing to be obedient to whatever God asks and am praying for God to equip me for this.  I know from experience that if I am willing God will show me some things beyond my imagination.  We will need to buy plane tickets soon which is our major expense right now so we are in need of your support and while you may not be able to support us regularly even a small 1 time donation would be so much appreciated for us to continue with this ministry.  I am thanking God now for what and how He will provide and believe that He is able to do abundantly more than I can ever image and pray that His work is done in and through us for His glory.  If you can’t donate please just pray for provision and for us to keep focused on what God wants first.

If you feel led to make a donation you can go to www.clubhouseg.com and click on “Donations”  you can then choose a one time or monthly gift —please specify the Neubert Family and you can make a donation on line or you can send a check —please write Neubert Family on the memo  to:

Clubhouse Guatemala
PO Box 6555
Knoxville, TN 37914

All donations through Clubhouse Guatemala are tax deductible.

I love all of you and thank you for taking time to read this.—–Beth

I have to share a huge praise for an answer to my plea for help.  Knowing the economy is bad and likely to get worse and having a few control issues I had been wrestling some with God about provision.  As I’ve said before what I know and what I feel can be two completely different things and I’d finally just given it over to God to handle.   A couple of days after I’d posted I got an unexpected call from an unexpected source.  After a few minutes of inquiry as to what we are doing through the ministry and what exactly we were presenting as a plan of salvation I was told that this person and his family wanted to support us and fly us down to Guatemala for Spring Break.  I’m not usually a very emotional person but I was crying so hard I couldn’t speak for a minute.  God just continues to blow me away with His love and how and who He provides through.  I was so impressed by the fact that this person first has the heart for God to ask questions and make sure they are supporting the right thing and that the Gospel is being taken to others clearly.

I’m not going to name them because I haven’t talked to them about this post, but I also know from speaking with them that they aren’t interested in getting credit but being obedient to God.  But I cannot express how thankful I am first to God for supplying and then to this sweet donor for being willing to give.   You see, this was our most immediate need.  We still haven’t reached our goal for regular monthly support, but God provides on time.  We knew we were going for Spring Break but had no idea how we were going to afford the airfare for our entire family.  God may choose to provide for each individual need as it comes or He has the power to take care of many or all needs at once.  I’m still learning to wait on Him and not be in a hurry.  Thanks to all who have prayed and been generous in supporting us.  I’d also like to thank our Northstar Church family and Missions Task Force for supporting us as well with their focus on Missions.

-B

I know the last time I posted I was in the middle of a fierce spiritual battle.  I still am but God is with me, and if He is for me who can be against me?  So I know there are 2-3 people that read my blog but other than that I don’t really know if anyone else does or not.  Blogging is not something I would do on my own but I believe it is something God wants me to do if for no other reason than to see if I’ll be obedient to what He asks of me.  I’m not one to really openly share my personal and private feelings with just anyone so this is very much out of my element.

I’m not going to be putting up any pictures in this post and I am going to try to be pretty straight forward although I know I tend to follow many lines of thought kind of at the same time.  So here goes….We need help and by help I mean financial support for our ministry aka “money”.  I won’t go into every single detail about it but a general overview is that when Jim and I retired he receives a pension of about 35% of what we used to make in income with both of us working and I had a modest 401k that I paid off everything we owed with the exception of our house leaving a house payment, utilities and whatever incidental or unscheduled bill (medical, dental, school etc).  We knew we would need to have outside financial support and figured in a modest budget for ministry and have had 4-5 awesome private individuals support us monthly and that has kept us going.  We have never had our budget for monthly support met to date.  We have been relying on God’s provision and have been able to cover expenses so far but in order to do that we have used all savings and put airline tickets on personal credit hoping at some point to meet our financial budget support goal.  We understand with the economy that most people are struggling as well.

The spiritual battle I’ve been waging has been mainly about finances and how to continue.  God and I have been in some heated discussions about my faith and His plans.  He has made it clear to Jim and I that this ministry in Guatemala is where he wants us but He has also been clear that we should keep the house here in the states, which we can do with personal income and no money from ministry goes anywhere other than for ministry.  I know many people may not understand that but there are also ministry opportunities that He has for us while we are here as well and we expect to be in the states at least a few months each year with Jim traveling back and forth as necessary during those times.  During this time of spiritual battle I was becoming extremely disheartened and questioning why God was letting us start to sink financially if this is what He wanted and He has been very clear that I need to be willing to do whatever I’m doing wherever I’m doing it for Him.  I’ve been working seasonally as a cashier and if I’m honest that’s not what I expected to be doing as a missionary or at this time in my life.  But He’s been pretty clear that I (we) as a believer am in a mission field no matter where He puts me.  He also reminded me that before I retired from law enforcement I was not well liked by some of the people I had to work with (I’m not saying they didn’t have a reason to or not)…it was just a difficult situation at times and the details don’t really matter but some of the people that would never be seen talking to me would wait outside the building or in a hallway when there was no one around to ask me to pray for something.  I always did, not because I was a good person but because I don’t answer for the things others do to me but I will answer for how I respond.

But we are at a point where we can’t continue without more financial support.  I have determined that no matter how I feel that I will work as much as I can and do all things as if I am doing them for my Father and I am releasing the rest will be up to Him.  We hope to go as a family during spring break but as of right now unless God provides for the airline tickets we will not be able to.  God provides through His people so it is with great humility that I ask if you can support us either with a 1 time donation of any amount or God is leading you to join us in regular monthly giving –you will be just as much a part of changing lives by sending as you would by going.  If you can’t afford to give we also understand and would ask if you would please pray and ask God to send people to rise up and help us and pray for this ministry and you also will be a part of changing lives.  If your church would like to hear more and have us come and share our heart with them we would love to do that also.  All donations are tax deductible.

If you can help in any of these ways you can go to www.clubhouseg.com and click on support and then donations–please mark it for the Neubert family or email me direct at bneubert@comcast.net for more information.  I’m going to praise God for whatever He is going to do next on this journey and I love you all.

Beth

In my last post I shared the spiritu10-al battle I’ve been experiencing.  I’ve gotten some feedback letting me know that I’m not the only one who has these thoughts and feelings.  Logically I know that…but sometimes emotionally I don’t “feel” it.  I have been praying through Ephesians 6:10-19.  While praying through this I’ve tried to meditate on how to use these defenses.  Verse 10 says, “Be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.”  I have set my mind to trust him regardless of how I feel.  I don’t have to be strong this verse explicitly tells me I don’t have to… I just have to trust him to be strong through me.  Next in verse 11 we are told to fully defend ourselves with the whole armor of God- not just part but all because we will need every bit of it in our spiritual battles.  As we move from the end of verse 12 into verse 13 we find out why.  “…that you may be able to withstand the schemes of the devil.  Because we don’t wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”  It really isn’t how others treat me that’s important, because there are much bigger battles going on around us.  What’s important is my relationship with my heavenly father and how I react when under attack.  I choose how I react.  I can choose to take my problems and petitions to my father or I can lash out on my own.  I’ve done both and honestly it’s much easier to do the latter so it’s an on going exercise that I’m not sure I will ever master. Maybe that’s why the 13th verse says, “Therefore take up the whole armor of God that you may be able to withstand the day of evil., and having done all, to stand firm.”  God only expects me to do what I can and then just hold on to him through faith and stand and let him fight for me with his strength.

I have decided to set my mind on God and trust him to be who he says that he is and believe he can do what he says he can do and do all that I can and leave the rest to him.  This will be easier said than done. While I never imagined the path I would be on right now I know that God has asked Jim and I to serve him in the mission field.  I also know that God’s ways aren’t mine and his timing doesn’t always agree with me.  I like staying in my comfort zone and for the past year I have been out of my comfort zone without a net.  I also know that it is a privilege to be chosen to do these things.  He could have chosen someone else.  I’m not sure why we sometimes as Christians believe we are doing God a favor by serving him.  Jesus said that if we did not take the Gospel to others that the rocks could cry out in our place.  I’m also reminded that God used a jackass to deliver a message to Balaam.  I try to remember those things and remember that only because of God’s grace and mercy do I get to do these things.

I am ready for Jesus to come back anytime.  The older I get the less I feel at home here, but I also know that there are people left to tell.  I want to thank those of you who have sent me encouragement or prayed for me.  I am declaring that God knows our needs for us to continue this ministry and he has the power to provide as Jehovah Jirah (God our provider) and I will choose to trust what I know…that he is good, sovereign and faithful and I love him.  I love all of you.

-B

I should warn you upfront that this post isn’t a feel good or Christmas(y) post.  It is one of raw spiritual battle so if it gets uncomfortable…you were warned.  I’ve been pretty open about my struggles with depression over the years.  I believe it will always be a struggle and (thorn) for me to deal with because it keeps me close to God.  Sometimes it manifests itself in questions of whether I’m really where I should be or doing what God wants etc.  But not as often it shows up in a complete questioning of my entire existence and if God is even really here.  Shh!  I know we as believers aren’t supposed to admit that we question our faith–particularly that God is even around.  But as I said this post is the raw warfare I’ve been experiencing.  So there –it’s out in the open.

Since we’ve been in the states I’ve been more isolated than I have ever been…..don’t get me wrong….I’m not the type of person who minds being alone.  I usually embrace it.  But I am learning that the enemy LOVES it.  If the enemy can whisper in your ear over and over certain things you might actually begin to believe it.  Deciding to follow this path wasn’t an easy decision but we knew it was the right one.  But it is a deliberate leap of faith.  It meant going from 2 full time incomes that kept us comfortable to 1 retirement income that would just cover what we need from check to check.  We knew we would be dependent on God to provide finances for the ministry we would be pursuing.

OK so I know we”re not really supposed to talk about our financial situations either but again it’s part of the struggle.  I grew up in a not so stable financial environment so as an adult I always made sure that financially we were “stable”.  Not rich by any means but we did take a vacation most years and if the kids needed something we could usually afford it and God allowed us to occasionally bless someone else when an opportunity arose.  So when we began this journey we knew we would be reliant on God to provide through support from other places.  Admittedly this is difficult for Jim and I because neither of us have experience with it and it can be awkward to ask people for money regardless of how good the cause might be.  But we also understand that God has a reason for this…first it keeps you humble then it keeps you accountable–it reminds you that this is God’s and we MUST make sure we are using it for that purpose only and finally it gives others an opportunity to bless God and us.  When you’ve been the one that has always fixed problems or taken care of others, this can be hard to accept.  I have worked pretty much all my life from babysitting when I was 11 to fast food as a teenager and then emergency communications for law enforcement from the time I was 19 until December 30, 2011.  Not working when we got back was strange and a time I know God wanted me to be still.  I didn’t really like it.  I kept hearing this voice saying, “You should be working.  You don’t deserve to have time off.  Why would anyone want to support your ministry when you are lazy and don’t work.”

This was in conjunction with the fact that we have not had full support to meet our budget for ministry.  Please don’t misunderstand, this hadn’t bothered me because God has always been faithful to provide and while we had no extra income we were meeting our bills but I had also had to put mainly our airline tickets on a personal credit card for travel to and from Guatemala for the year.  We have paid most expenses out of pocket after tithing and have had some awesome individuals support us monthly.  I cannot put into words how grateful we are to them because we literally would not be able to do this without them.  If any of you are reading I just want to say “Thank you so much!”    But because we don’t meet our ministry budget our personal finances have been strained.  Job options are limited because I would have to tell an employer I would have to be gone spring break to go to Guatemala and then would have to quit when school was out but I thought I could find something seasonal which I did and now am working until at least February.  I panic over credit card debt because I know how easily it can get out of control so I’m focused on paying that off as soon as I can.  We paid off everything but our house so that is my main concern for personal finances but without more financial ministry support we will not be able to afford to continue.   This is where the warfare comes in.

God has ALWAYS provided.  I believe that He will again and I know if He wants us to continue He will have to provide.  I believe if it’s His will it’s His bill.  However what I know and what I feel are in great conflict right now.  It’s hard to admit that I’m human and have feelings of inadequacy but…I do.  My human emotional side has been struggling with …”Why does it have to be hard?”  and “Where are the people that I helped out before?”  “Why hasn’t there been more support?” —Yes I’ve been doing some of what I find really irritating…whining.   God has answered me the way He normally does…very directly and without holding back.  Please understand that what I am sharing is a conversation between myself and God and fueled with human emotion and not what I essentially know to be true–but it’s still a battle.

The enemy whispers in my ear, “Can you believe after all the times you helped others over the years….here you are struggling and no one even cares?  Where’s your daddy now?!”  so like an idiot I pose this question to God who replies….” Do you know how many people Jesus healed?  Do you know how many of them watched him die….for them and for you?!”  …”There were people who couldn’t walk before that walked up the hill to watch him die.   There were people that he gave sight that watched him die. And there were people that couldn’t speak that shouted “Crucify Him!”   and if I’d been there I would have been with them.  I don’t like to think that but if Peter denied Him why would I be different?  I can’t explain depression.  I have everything in the world to be happy about but sometimes I’m just not.  Sometimes it’s hard just to get out of bed.  I have to battle what I feel with what I know.  In my heart I know God is faithful, He will provide and that He loves me more than I will ever know.  But when you don’t feel it sometimes it’s hard to remember.  I don’t know who said it but I remember a quote I heard years ago that I’ve never forgotten.  “God give the birds their food, but He doesn’t throw it in the nest.”

I know I have to do what I can and then leave the rest to God.  I am trying.  I wonder sometimes if I’m the only one who struggles with these things.  But I know that the enemy likes to use that way of thinking too.  All I can do is remember the armor God has provided in Ephesians and stand.  When I can’t fight I can resolve to just stand.

I know it’s been a while since I posted so let’s catch up.  For anyone reading this for the first time Jim and I both retired from the Sheriff’s office.  Jim retired in December of 2010 and I retired at the end of December 2011.  I worked in the emergency communications field for 25 years and when I retired had been the unit supervisor.  I was pretty comfortable.

Jim has been doing short term missions for many years to Panama, Romania and primarily Venezuela.  I started going with him a couple of years ago to Africa and Venezuela.  Then God steered us to Guatemala and the ministry started by the Parker family at Clubhouse Guatemala.  God opened doors through the Parkers to join their ministry in a full time capacity.  God has grown their ministry greatly through their hard work, the prayers and support of churches and those that volunteer and come to serve each year.  We are humbled and honored to be a part of this ministry. If you are interested in how I got here in more detail check out my previous posts.

Today I feel that God would have me blog about what I believe He has been trying to teach me since we’ve been back in the states.  I have always worked outside the home.  But I worked in emergency communications for about 25 years.  I started when I was 19 so I spent more than half my life in that field.  It was comfortable for me and while not rich I had a decent (regular) income.  When we decided to retire Jim received a pension but I had a 401k.  I used most of that to pay off all of our major bills so the only regular bills we would have would be the house, utilities and insurance, etc.  For the first time in many years I did not have a regular income and Jim’s pension would have to cover all living expenses for a family of 5 and we would rely on donations and support for our expenses in Guatemala.  I knew God is more than able to provide so we took the leap of faith.

God has graciously provided for our needs even though we don’t have the full regular monthly support that we need yet.  We are so thankful for those that support us.  We absolutely could not do this without you so thank you if you are already supporting us.   We have been in the states since the first of August and will be here until the end of the school year so Lauren can finish her senior year and Jim is traveling back and forth when he needs to check on the house we are renting and pay bills.

Since we’ve been back I’ve been doing a lot of conversing with God about what I should be doing.  I didn’t think it would sound good in a job interview to say I’ll be leaving for spring break and then have to quit when summer arrives.  So for the first couple of months I didn’t work outside the home.  If you struggle with depression this is not a good thing (at least not for me).  When I have too much time to think about things I can really get myself down. I recalled telling one of my Venezuelan sons this summer that “Sometimes you have to choose to believe what you know and not what you feel.”  God reminded me that I needed to take my own advice.  Being still and waiting on God is definitely out of my comfort zone.  God has been teaching me to slow down and learn to live here and now and not get ahead of his plan.  He’s also teaching me to be grateful and content in all situations.

I was listening to someone recently praying and while they were praying they were asking for God to make them “salt and light” and I kind of thought to myself, “Do we really mean it when was ask that?”  I hear it prayed and have prayed it myself and then complained the minute things started to get a little uncomfortable or difficult.  God finally pointed out to me that I was getting what I had asked him for.  When we ask for that, God is going to provide opportunities for us to be just that.  God is going to lead us into dark and sometimes unsavory places where salt and light are needed.  But often instead of seeing the opportunity I assume that it’s opposition from the enemy.  So I am learning to be thankful for the dark and unsavory things as well as the blessings.

God is also helping me flex my faith muscle.  I handle the family finances and not having two regular incomes has the potential to leave me with some financial insecurities. So believing what I know and not what I feel is imperative.  As a child of God I have access to my father’s riches.  He has always provided for our needs and I have no doubt he will continue.  I’m already rich in what really matters, the love of Jesus and his sacrifice for me and love from family and friends.  I am learning to just tell God that he knows my needs and I’m going to trust him with them and ask him to surprise me with how he’s going to accomplish these things.  So  when we received a letter from our medical insurance carrier saying that our monthly premium had gone down rather than increased I was truly grateful and surprised.  There have been several little things like that lately that I know have been taken care of by him.  I’m learning many times my perspective can change my attitude.  If I look at difficult times as opportunities rather than obstacles I can bring light.

Finally, God is teaching me to have joy in all situations.  I applied for some part-time  seasonal work as a cashier at a local big box retail store.  Of course in God’s usual sense of timing for me I started a couple of days before black Friday and my real first shift out of training was on Thursday night when the store opened for business.  God definitely has a sense of humor.  God has opened some doors even through this and allowed me to visit for a moment or two with sweet people that I haven’t seen in a while that come through my checkout line.

For many years while working full time it would be easy for me to be overwhelmed by what I wasn’t accomplishing.  The house is never clean so I really didn’t want anyone to stop by to see the mess or I would obsess over weight, fighting against the habit from childhood of finishing everything on my plate even when I didn’t really want it, etc.  But God is showing me that priorities should be relationships.  First with him then family, friends and others.  I’m learning it’s OK for the house to be comfortably cluttered and do the best I can in other things and leave the rest with him.  I’m thankful that my kid’s friends are comfortable here and know they are always welcome here.

As I know with many others in this economy Christmas will be a little tight this year and I believe that also is a blessing so that we remember why we really celebrate and spend time with each other just hanging out, making cookies or watching a movie.  I pray that when my children are older they will remember they were loved unconditionally first by God and then by their parents not what gifts they might receive.

I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!  I know many of my friends are dealing with cancer and illness and the loss of loved ones this time of year and for you I pray that God will send a spirit of peace to you and that he will reveal himself to you in a special way this season.

Merry Christmas and much love

-B

“FAITH–makes things possible…not easy.”  This hangs in our house in Guatemala.  It’s a true statement and one that I’ve been reflecting on about all that we’ve done and that I’ve seen here this summer.  I’ve started this update what seems like a hundred times now.  I am determined to get it done before we leave for the states tomorrow.

I can’t believe this summer has already passed and we are packing to fly home tomorrow.  I have to say this isn’t how we envisioned this summer to be.  No one could foresee Carla getting breast cancer and their family having to go back to the states for treatment.  This has been a summer of learning.  Learning how we as a staff fit together with distinctly different personalities and feeling out roles of leadership as Mike adjusted to having to be in the states most of the time and following where God is leading him in expanding the ministry.   We’ve had some growing pains and made our share of mistakes while in this transition. As Jim has mentioned before we’ve had some fierce spiritual battle particularly it seems with the camp.

Opposition isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I would be more concerned if everything went smoothly.  We’ve had some amazing teams and individuals to work with that have kept the work going.  We saw houses built, stoves put in, chicken coops built, clothing and shoes given to those in need, feeding programs continued, played games, did crafts, had puppets sharing the love of Jesus and most importantly many have heard the gospel and received Christ as their savior.

But it hasn’t always been easy…but Jesus covered that.  In John 16:33 he tells us we will have trouble–not might –not could but WILL, but to be in peace about it because He has already overcome the world.  Why do we expect things to be easy because we are saved?  We talk about “stepping out on faith and out of our comfort zone” but when it starts getting uncomfortable we tend to complain.  This is one of the most powerful ways that the enemy can cause division and cause us to lose focus and become discouraged.  Admittedly I have little patience for this and I am acutely aware that God will use this to teach me.

There is no price you can put on the smiling child yelling “MaMa” when they come running to hug you when they see you.  Seeing my daughters speaking what they can of Spanish and playing with the kids.  Or watching my son give his water to a little boy that he sees is thirsty.  They are happy just to have you talk to them, play with them or pay some attention to them.  And that is what makes it all worth it.

I want to thank everyone that has supported us in prayer and financially, it wouldn’t be possible without each one of you.

   One thing God has shown me over the years is not to hang on too tightly to my own plans because often just when I think I have the schedule down, He sends a change my way.  It’s been a while since I’ve updated and a lot has happened since my last update.  Jim is now back from Guatemala until we return as a family at the end of May after schools ends and we finally celebrated our 20 year wedding anniversary together.  Celebrating the last 20 years gave me pause to reflect on how God has directed and blessed our lives together.  But if I’m honest I wouldn’t have chosen the path that God has sometimes had us follow.  If you had asked either one of us when we married if we would consider moving out of the country to go into full time missions we both would have laughed.  You see we (and I mostly mean me) aren’t “missionary material”.

I believed for the longest time my past poor decisions (let’s call it what it is–sins) would disqualify me for use by God.  I not only struggled with guilt of those past sins but also struggled (and I believe I will always to some degree) with depression.  I know what you’re thinking…if you have faith you shouldn’t be depressed, that’s what some Christians believe and I believed it too for a long time until my obstetrician noticed after Roby was born that I “didn’t seem myself” when in fact I was just too tired to try to conceal it anymore.  She explained that I didn’t have to feel this way and there were treatment options so I decided at that point to listen to her and try some medication.  The medication did (and still does) help.  For those of you who think “happy pills” this isn’t actually the case if you suffer from true depression induced by chemical imbalances, they really just put you on a level playing field with those that don’t have these issues.  But I still struggled with these issues until God revealed to me through the pain of a friend that your past, what you “feel” and who you think you are don’t make you unusable but God really just wants those who love Him, are willing to be used by Him and He will enable us to do what He wants us to do with His power and not by anything we do.

I came to this conclusion after part of a Beth Moore Bible study with a group of women were talking after watching the video.  God was speaking to my heart as Beth Moore made a statement about holding on to past sins and guilt.  I’ll paraphrase it–basically she called me out and asked “Who are you that Jesus’ blood wasn’t enough to cover your sin?!”  I believed that God forgave me but I couldn’t forgive myself and held onto that guilt…but by doing this I was really guilty of pride.  While God was hitting me head on with this a friend I had known for several years began to speak.  This is a godly woman who has lived her entire life following the Lord.  I was envious of her testimony in that she was the “ideal” Christian and didn’t carry the baggage I had carried for so long.  But as she was talking she began to tell us that God had blessed her beyond what she deserved, great husband, house, kids –everything she could ask for.  But yet she was praying for God to give her the strength to take her own life because she wasn’t worthy.  She also suffered from depression.  It was then I realized that we all have baggage, it may be different but it still was baggage.  She also said she’d spoken with her doctor and he had offered her medication but she felt she wasn’t showing enough faith if she took it.  Of course no one says don’t take insulin if you’re diabetic that you just need more faith or don’t take your blood pressure medicine.  I also confessed openly to the issues holding me back and as soon as I did I had the freedom to serve without fear because finally I knew the type of sin didn’t matter, God loved me even in my greatest moments of sin and always would.

These are things I normally wouldn’t share much less post on a blog but God has placed them on my heart to put out here.  I am so grateful for what Jesus did for me that I don’t mind risking the ridicule of someone for my faith anymore.  This is not to say that it’s been an easy road or that I’ve always been obedient, it took losing a child and God’s love and patience to change my heart.  Through these things God has placed a desire in me to love those that some may see as unlovable…because that’s what He did for me.  God has blessed me in allowing me to share Him with gang members, mafia, addicts, and also those that have lost infants and some who feel that they are past God’s help.  I also share my heart in a need that we have.  We can’t do this without financial support.  We learned a long time ago that if it’s “God’s will –it’s His bill.”  But we also know that God provides through His people.

It’s difficult for us to ask for support as we’ve always tried to be the ones who sent support when we could and I think that’s part of the point.  God could easily make us rich somehow financially but if He did that we would most likely take Him for granted and by being reliant on Him we are able to point to Him for our provision.  It also promotes humility and accountability and we know we will answer for every donation made so we had better be good stewards with it.  Jim and I had planned on letting Lauren finish her senior year at home but as I mentioned before, God’s ways aren’t always our ways and we will be moving to Guatemala sooner than we expected.  This complicates our plans as we need to plan for school in Guatemala for the kids, getting a vehicle for transportation in Guatemala and what we will be doing with our house here, etc. but God’s got it handled.  We have had some awesome people partner with us to give regular donations and we can’t thank you enough!

If you would like to partner with us to help us you can go to www.clubhouseg.com and make a 1 time donation or sign up for regular donations just click on the Neubert Family.  All donations are tax deductible.  As always I thank God for his provision in what He will do and that I am so richly blessed in the things that truly matter.

-Beth

Ok, so I’m a little behind on catching up our mission stories but I’m going to just quickly interject here about our trip during Spring Break.  Jim has been in Guatemala since around mid February and the kids and I flew down during the school break to be with him and try to wrap up somewhere to live while we are there.  As usual God did not disappoint.  First I want to thank Joey and CC and their 3 kids for graciously putting us up for the week not everyone is brave enough to hang with us in that close quarters, you guys were awesome!

We didn’t get to spend as much time as usual with the team working in Pacaya on Camp Calvary because of the search for somewhere to live during this trip but we did make it one day and it rained the entire day.  Still the group from Northstar was amazing and kept working when they could and had fun with the local kids.  Jim had looked at a particular house for rent that was within our budget in the same neighborhood as the mission house.  It was looking like we would be able to rent it furnished within our budget.  Just before I arrived they called back and upped the rent by $1000 Q.  Jim told them we just couldn’t afford it.  One of the translators steered us to another house owned by Christians and they were looking for someone to rent to and the price was back in our range.  Jim saw it just before I arrived and it turned out to be also more than we could afford and was about 10 minutes from the mission house in another neighborhood.  We had appointments to see both houses again and explained that they were both very nice houses we just could not go over what we had budgeted especially right now when we don’t have full support pledged for monthly payments.   The owners of the 2nd house (which is the one we really liked) called the day before I left and said that they had prayed about it and wanted to help us out and offered it to us for what we had budgeted…Jim signed a year lease last Saturday and now we just have to get the basic furnishings.  God also has his hand on this as a family of missionaries that’s been in Guatemala for the last 5 years is getting ready to head back to the states and need to get rid of their furniture and appliances so it looks like we may be able to get most of what we need from them second hand.  They are leaving in June and we arrive May 31st…is God awesome or what?!

Jim will be coming back in mid April and we have some family things to attend to as my nephew Mark marries Whitney (who has long since been part of the family–now it will just be official) and meeting our great-niece Leighton!  We are so excited about these events and then heading back to Guatemala at the end of May.  We can’t wait to see what God has in store for us.  Keep checking the prayer page for ministry needs or feel free to post any you may have.

Church in Chivacoa

I hadn’t planned on going to Venezuela that year.  We had just gotten back from Africa at the end of May and Jim was scheduled to help lead a trip to Venezuela toward the end of July.  I was talking to one of the sound guys at church about our trip and he asked me if I was going with Jim to Venezuela and I told him that I wasn’t.  I had time I could take off from work to go but I hadn’t planned on going to Venezuela so I hadn’t raised any money but that it would be nice.  Unexpectedly he and his wife offered to pay for my trip.  I was so humbled and amazed at God’s provision so with a couple of weeks to get ready I ended up going with Jim to Venezuela.

The place we were going was in Chivacoa, Venezuela and there is a mountain called Sorte Mountain which translates to Witch Mountain.  It turns out that the church Jim and I would be working with was at the base of this mountain on the road you take to get there.  Normally on trips you have your own translator but we were shorthanded so we had to share one.  I would come to realize later that this was a God thing and He was keeping us together.   I’m including a link to an article written by Jens Erik Gold for Time World,  http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1673939,00.html  which I didn’t read until after I got back from our trip.

It was explained to us that witchcraft and the occult were still practiced on the mountain and rumored that human sacrifice still occasionally took place.  A missionary team had been there the year before and several people had become Christians but were afraid to be too open about it due to the priests on the mountain.  The group that had been there the year before had gone to the mountain and prayed and had a powerful spiritual experience and some of the people in our group wanted to go there again.  Our pastor was very young with a young family and we were being told that there one of the local pastors had a vision of a flood on the mountain and a couple of weeks prior to our arrival there had indeed been a flood and one of the priests had died.  We were to understand that there were rumors that some of the priests wanted to kidnap one of the local pastors or their children to sacrifice as retaliation.  I’ll just say Jim and I didn’t believe it to be a good idea to go to the mountain.  While we weren’t afraid we also knew we would be getting on a plane and leaving in a week and whatever we stirred up would be left for the local Christians to deal with and they didn’t need anymore to deal with.

Jim with Guns

On the picture of the church you can see a slit of a window.  This was called the magic eye and you were supposed to check it to see if the streets were clear in the event of shooting going on outside.  Even without the church being at the base of the mountain there were still plenty of other difficulties facing the new Christians there.  Behind the church was supposed to be a “mafia compound” and across from the church was gang territory.  You can see some of the graffiti on the “gang” side on the pictures I’m posting.   The first day out our translator felt ill and he believed that there were some specific people that we needed to see but that we hadn’t seen them yet.  The next day he asked Jim and I if we would go into the “compound” area.  We agreed and were told that the pastor had a cousin who knew someone inside and they had gotten permission for us to go in.  As we went in I noticed men sitting on the top of the walls at the corners and was told by our translator that they were most likely armed and not to do anything to make them nervous.  He also told Jim he might not want to mention that he was a police officer.  We had pretty much figured that out but it was nice that he was looking out for us.  Once inside there were several houses clustered together and we met with 3 men in the center of the compound.  Jim asked if he could share the Evangecube with them and they agreed and all 3 prayed to accept Christ.  They then asked us to come to one of their homes.  They apparently were really proud of their weapons and we were told we could ask to see them and did and they began bringing out several guns.  Jim was able to have his picture made holding some of them.  Even not knowing Spanish I could tell that they were amused by the gringo missionary holding their weapons.  Fortunately they were unaware that Jim had experience not only as a police officer but also being a SWAT team member and is very comfortable with weapons.  It was somewhat of a surreal experience.

I would like to say that the “gang” side was as open but they weren’t and we weren’t able to share as much with them.  Apparently when the two sides around the church fought they came to the street where the church was and would shoot at each other.  One of the local girls at the time I believe was 17 was showing us her scar from a bullet wound to her shoulder where she had been shot in the street in front of the church.  It’s funny how God can smack you in the face with reality, here were people dealing with all of this around them yet still trying to build up their church and gathering together and here I can make all kinds of excuses not to go to church that when I look at them in that context are really irrelevant.

So we are coming up on the end of the week and the last day we are out our translator tells us that the pastor wants to show Jim and I the mountain.  Jim had told everyone that we wouldn’t be going unless the pastor asked us.  So…we go to the mountain.  The bottom of the mountain is also a public park so we have agreed to go but no farther than the public park and we want to be very careful not to do anything to cause problems for our pastor after we leave.  When we get there I am more sad than anything.  You can see on the pictures below they are still cleaning up from the flood and the water line on the wall of the restaurant at the entrance of the park.  There is a priest working picking up debris and I reached out to  shake his hand but I can’t speak to him because our translator has gone ahead with Jim but he is obviously trying to tell me to be careful on the rocks because they are still mud covered and slick.  I sort of nodded and kept going.  The first thing you notice is a shrine to Maria Lionza (see the article above for more) and several other stalls apparently used as alters with all sorts of idols on them.  While I’m standing there a man walks up and takes his shoes and shirt off and prays to her and then lights a cigar as he finishes.  I continue up to the river which is now just a creek but it’s what flooded a couple of weeks ago and did so much damage.  I know it’s probably not what most people would think, but I can’t help but think this was a missed opportunity for the local Christians to minister to these priests.  While not enabling their practices offering to help them in ways that might show Christ’s love in some small way.

Alter to Maria Lionza

God revealed Himself in so many ways while we were there and I would like to go back sometime.  I have no misconceptions about what happens when we leave, I know that some decisions are probably not sincere, some are and some get discouraged and find it too hard to live their faith without enough support but if only 1 person makes a sincere decision and it changes their life then it’s been worth it.  Please remember these people in prayer and I hope to see many again some day.

Next we’ll be going back to Africa.

Alter at Sorte Mtn